Ask Dr. Nicki: Spending- out of Pain; in to Debt

Once a week I present this feature called, "Ask Dr. Nicki" featuring a question that either a) I generate myself from commonly asked questions, or b) a question that somebody submits to me. I really hope that each and every one of you gets something from my advice!


Dear Dr Nicki,

I'm wondering if you can help me. I really want to get ahold of my finances and get out of debt, but every time I get upset the only way to distract myself seems is shopping. I recently had a particularly hard breakup and find myself at the mall almost every day just to get my mind off of it. What can I do to get relief and stop my financial struggle? Please help!


Dr. Nicki says:

Dear Spender-

Well, I should say Dear Spender and Avoider! I hate to be the bearer of bad news but your problem, in fact, is not financial.

Here's the real problem:

Your fear of looking your life - and your feeling about that life - straight in the eye.

Thing is:

When it comes to real change, the only way through it (situations, feelings, challenges) is IN TO it! [Tweet This]

The solution then? It's twofold:

1. With regards to heartbreak, everything begins with sitting in the center of your feelings. Try to discover (probably in writing):

a) Your contributions to the issues leading to the breakup/s.

b) The relationship patterns revealed in this last experience.

c) Your overall feelings about relationships in terms of expectations, belief systems & "problems," as well as the behaviors you tend to exhibit in response to relationship ins and outs.

d) Explore the origin of those relationship attitudes and behaviors and - while you're at it - figure out where you got the idea that "distracting yourself" was the way to go!

2. With regards to your finances:

a) When did you start self-soothing through spending?

b) How does your family treat money?

c) What do you imagine would change if you "got ahold" of your finances and debt?

d) Begin to write down every nickel you spend.

e) Go to 1/2 dozen Debtors Anonymous meetings.

The bottom line, I repeat:

You're avoiding the deeper issues driving your life choices.

There's no quick fix (which is how you usually roll!) however there is the kind of new perspective and self-awareness that can empower you and make a true, lasting difference in the way your life unfolds! [Tweet This]

Be brave.

Stand still.

Look within.

Let us know what you find!

Faithfully, Dr. Nicki



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