From the Brain of Dr. Nicki: The Fragile & Fertile Feminine

The other day I was talking to a brilliant and beloved client of mine about his relationship conflicts. Quickly I reminded him that his partner wasn’t the issue, but rather, the issue was and would always be interior – the “problem” was his ambivalent view of his own inner woman. Suddenly we found ourselves dancing with a juicy new concept: the fragile and fertile feminine within.

Now, I know its hip, slick and cool in certain circles to talk about the feminine (yin) and masculine (yang) with meticulous psycho-spiritual zeal. I’ve done it myself many a time, but as I move along in life so much of what I thought I knew keeps falling away, like end-of-season flowers dropping petals onto the drying ground, and feminine/masculine conceptual constructs are such. So when I happened upon this at-first-glance unlikely pairing of fragile and fertile, all the blood joyfully rushed to my finger tips and I felt the way we can when first meeting a new person we know will be special in our lives. Fragile. Fertile. A Faberge egg, stunning us with its bold yet intricate beauty. Something precious demanding to be seen.

I live for these spectacular moments really -- when in a dazzling instance interaction surpasses itself becoming a startling beam of sun piercing a thick grey sky. In fact, as I write these words I realize these precious precarious moments are precisely what I meant by the fragile and fertile feminine – the generous, passionate breaking through of something that must be said even before its fully understood!

Re-embracing the true, hearty-yet-delicate female forces within me has been a many decade journey. That is, naturally, how I knew to speak of it to another. To accomplish this re-embracing I had to first understand I’d left “her” behind. Then I had to come to believe embracing her completely wouldn’t undermine my life. Then I needed to discard prejudices, preferences and constructed notions about what the hell she’d even look and sound like if ‘let out’. Then I needed to fully realize what defenses prevented our reunion. Then I got to discover (and discover and discover) what surrender really means. Then I got to (carefully, cautiously) practice.

I need a nap.

No seriously – this journey to appreciate how gorgeous it can be to allow something so exquisitely delicate to inform creative outflow has been both arduous and exhilarating. Thus, here am I – full of an intense creative vigor that outdistances any I’ve known before in my long life. It allows me to expand professionally, intellectually and of course, personally.

So what’s my point?

The ambivalent, reluctant man resisting full commitment to the woman before him needs to learn appreciation and acceptance for the fragile and fertile woman within him – the part of him that can luxuriate in the silk bed sheets of true intimacy; the part that holds itself richly accountable to a passionate life; the weaver; the one that dances on the head of a pin; the one who melts in the face of real Beauty.

What does this have to do with you? Everything. New life is always calling.

Question your staid, safe notions. Swim brave new waters. Break through old ideas by turning everything upside down. Allow and engage creative conversations. Know that intellectual courage is as important as physical courage and emotional courage is as important as intellectual courage. And finally – spend all the remaining days of your life whether long or little – unearthing your own rich, untilled inner soil, soul layers. Meanwhile, we shall sit by the edge of the road waiting for your return.