BEAUTIFUL CONDITIONS

BEAUTIFUL CONDITIONS:

The shelf life of a woman’s beauty

 

“She a beautiful woman…..for her age!”

Now there’s a sentence no one really wants to hear. That’s why it’s said about someone, not to somebody. Underneath the so-called compliment we can hear a clock ticking, make out the thinly typed shelf-life expiration date and feel the hour glass tipping over.

Of course, we never hear it about twenty-something’s. Imagine a lovely twenty-three year old walking by a couple of guys commenting: “Wow – she’s gorgeous for her age!” Never happens. Never will.

What in the world is wrong with us anyway! Why are we so wedded to the idea that “real” beauty is inextricably the purview of youth?

To top things off we’re rushing to back our play. Erasing all face lines and body puckers. First it’s annoying. And then it’s mystifying.

Feels like when it comes to what’s worthy of reverence we’ve lost our collective ways. Sure we could blame it on photo-shopped magazine babes and glossy movie image heroines. We could take our boney fingers and accuse media-gone-wild. But really, as always, the buck stops with us women, by which I mean: we’re the ones actually holding the how-do-I-see-myself cards. Now, I know we don’t like this – that we’d rather say it’s about men’s expectations and societies expectations and even sometimes family expectations, but really we’re the crux of our matter.

Hey, I’m not saying there isn’t plenty of pressure. Ancient pressure really. I mean, baaaccck in the day women were primarily procreators so when the blood dried, so did our sense of real value. By the time we were in our late forties the gig was up.

What I’m saying here is that beautiful to some degree has always been defined as beautifully ripe (and preferably ready). Men can offer seed any ole time, but women have a limited window open to incubate what’s given.

This truth hasn’t changed much. What has changed is our definition of value and contribution. Indeed - cat’s out of the bag: women are more than breeders. We carry the financial ball. We write books and articles. We CEO. We cop. We soldier. Well, you get the drift.

But still with all our perceived advances, loveliness concepts are dominated by youth. Nearly every so-called beauty product aims to turn older into younger. Not only does all this OMG-I’m-aging business add to daily life anxiety, but it (subtly) encourages us to confuse not growing up with not growing old. We’re left with a society of unactualized, inarticulate thirty-five year olds using “like” every other word while tooling around on metaphorical skateboards. Disappointing.   

Perhaps its time to reassess. Here’s a thought: let’s start by defining beauty as a vibrant radiant, authentic presence. That means beauty would come in all shapes, sizes and ages. Too intangible? Too new-age silly? Maybe. But still worth considering because such a definition would ask that we put down our cell phones, stop texting for a nano-second and operate as if being here is a privilege. We wouldn’t be focused so much on where we’re going because our attention would be on where we’re standing.

Actually, there’s tons of conversation about this presence idea. Books, seminars, gurus and teachers of the be-here-now perspective abound. So how come our stay-young obsession manages to perpetuate?

Turns out, underneath the youth hullabaloo is the real necessary conversation – the one where we look our true fear directly in its smelly, wrinkled face. Aging?! Oh yeah….that.

For sure, aging is a topic few want to discuss with any intensity. Not really. Spiritual types talk a big game about embracing the truth of growing from older to old, but still get gussied up for the dance. I do it too. Don’t you?

You can’t blame us really. Cause right after aging is death and that’s an even more forbidden conversation. After all, we don’t really know what that death business actually means! Brrr. 

Look, there are no quick smart answers for any of this. Authentic dialogue is a start.  Laughter helps. Collaboration with other aging females encourages. Telling the truth about the fear expands.

And as for me, like most I fully intend to keep doing my best to look good “for my age”… and try not to whine about it too much!