From the Brain of Dr. Nicki: Resistance…The Gift That Goes On Taking!

Have you ever been perched on the brink of a decision you just can’t bring yourself to make? 

Ever faced a difficult conversation you duck and weave to avoid? 

Ever refused new information to opt for your well-established ways of thinking? 

Ever stubbornly rejected a change in perspective because it means giving up your tried and true position?

Ever denied something despite clear evidence? 

These sometimes subtle, often blatant behavioral expressions are all examples of what’s called:

Resistance. 

Inside they feel like fighting back; holding your ground; paralyzing fear; self-righteousness; certainty; self-protection; shame-based struggle; and/or defiance.  

To the outside world the many forms of resistance can look like everything from eye-furrowed confusion, to bratty refusal, to debilitating paralysis, to gentle denial, to blatant stubbornness, to childish rejection. 

You know how it is:

Someone asks you to do something, contribute in some way, take new action, entertain new thought – and inside shouts a thunderous “NO!!!” Sometimes you hear it, sometimes feel it, other times it just happens – you can’t move or speak. If another person’s involved they look at you with incredulity or scowling or frustration. If alone you find yourself locked in position.

Where does resistance come from and why? 

In fact, it’s mostly fear that fuels this squirrely, undermining process. Yes, fear! That one feeling to which we so often build high-rise monuments; the feeling that so often brings us to our knees as before the altar; and the feeling to which we blithely hand over the control of our very lives. 

Fear trying like hell to defend and protect, we insist. 

Trying to keep us safe, we imagine. 

Fear telling us that staying where we are is better than venturing into unknown territory. 

As a teacher I witness resistance in its many forms constantly. Everyone does it more or less. Change in some way or other scares even the most stalwart among us.

As usual, it’s helpful to see how exactly resistance operates within us. That means: 

a) figure out where resistance all started; 

b) note what triggers the resistance today; 

c) determine what resistance gives us, as well as what it takes from us; and finally, 

d) decide if we want to surrender to it or conquer it. 

Oh, and of course, if we want to conquer it the best beginning is to do the opposite of what we’ve been doing, because you know the rule: 

If we do what we’ve done, we’ll get what we’ve got! [Tweet This]

Truth is though:

Despite having all the smart information in the world it’s quite the task to overcome our resistances. And even when we do overcome in one situation resistance is sure to surprise us in another, popping up like a Whac-A-Mole arcade game.  Still, it’s helpful to be armed with as much knowledge about how our interior landscape works to determine our behavioral patterns as we possibly can.

Are you resisting this idea? 

I don’t blame you, for both intention and integrity require true courage. [Tweet This]

Thing is, as I always say, change is a matter of choice. And besides, what’s the worst than can happen? After all, you can always take back your old ways and means and ideas.

So today: 

Vivaciously challenge old thinking; 

sincerely invite new direction; 

truly entertain annoying opinions; 

earnestly make a decision and stick to it; 

leave your comfort zone to swim (even briefly) into the unknown. 

Come on in – the waters fine!