From the Brain of Dr. Nicki: Put the Mask on YOUR Face First!

You know the drill. You’re on the airplane when you hear: In case of an emergency the oxygen mask will drop down. If there’s a child in the seat beside you PUT THE MASK ON YOURSELF FIRST.

This turns out to be a terrific concept everywhere, all the time. But its easy to forget to take care of ourselves first, right?! We rush to assist. Insist to rush. Start running around like the proverbial chicken. Panic in the clutches. Oh, maybe it looks like helpfulness when we deplete and defeat ourselves. We do it in the name of so-called generosity and good intention. But is that really so?

This is one of those tricky ideas, where often we’re the ones most tricked. Well, then, if it’s not pure ‘goodness’ what else could be going on? How about our need to be needed? Our want to be included? Our hunger for importance? Our insistence we’ve got the right answer to how things should go?

Oh, yes indeed, there’s a dozen reasons why you might be the ever-ready helper battery – why you say ‘yes’ with your last breath. Why you take care of others while neglecting to take care of yourself. And believe me when I tell you being a good person’s usually somewhere down on the list.

Here’s the real deal: if you aren’t strengthening your own inner resources; activating your self–care ways and means; discovering what you need and want; learning to receive as well as you give; understanding deeply what’s driving your actions and reactions; and expanding your appreciation of your own capacities, you’re actually endangering yourself. Yes, that’s right, endangering yourself. And by the way, at the end of the day you’ll have little to give anyone else as well. Plus, ever notice how often your constant outward focus leaves you lingering in resentment?

Yes, if we aren’t doing everything we can to make sure we are stabilized before we extend ourselves to others, we’re more likely to drown when the plane hits the water! We can’t ‘save’ anyone else if we’ve not enough oxygen left to keep going ourselves.

So be the good person you hope you are. Generosity is a terrific deal. Certainly preferable to greed. However, don’t forget to be generous to the very first person you see in the mirror. Remember self.


** this is a re-post of a blog that first posted on August 18, 2016