Ask Dr. Nicki: Comparing

Once a week I present this new feature called, "Ask Dr. Nicki" featuring a question that either a) I generate myself from commonly asked questions, or b) a question that somebody submits to me. I really hope that each and every one of you gets something from my advice!

Dear Dr. Nicki,

I never wanted to be the embodiment of "keeping up with the Joneses", but last week, our next-door neighbors had a huge 60 inch TV box in their garbage and I couldn't help but feeling jealous and wishing that we could afford a 60 inch TV. And then I find myself wishing I had more of the things that my neighbors have that we just can't afford. How can I get rid of these jealous feelings??

Dr. Nicki's Answer:

In our current FB, instagram, twitter, snapchat, internet climate it's ever more challenging to refuse comparing. Feeling better than (arrogance; contempt; judgment) or less than (shame; jealousy; victim) are common feelings and thoughts arising out of such comparing.

Ugh.

What to do?

First line of defense and easiest is to note (in writing is actually best) all the terrific things in your life...the people, feelings, experiences, situations that support and enlarge your life. Perhaps a few of those life-enhancing things will be material but if you cast a perceptive net you'll find most will be far more valuable than that.

The second thing is a bit harder and takes more resolve:

Dive down into your ideas of personal worthiness and see what you discover. Do you feel valued and valuable? If not, why and how? Now, dig deeper. Look back. How did your parents use comparing when you were growing up. Any not-enoughness in your family?

Well, you get the drift. Every road we travel leads back to investigations of initial and initiating roadblocks. And meanwhile, just for today, try appreciating how you be over what you have.

Faithfully,

Dr. Nicki

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