Ask Dr. Nicki: Committed Relationship

Starting today, every Thursday I will present this new feature called, "Ask Dr. Nicki". It will feature a question that either a) I generate myself from commonly asked questions, or b) a question that somebody submits to me. I really hope that each and every one of you gets something from my advice!

Dear Dr. Nicki,

I really want a committed relationship but nothing ever works out. Why can’t I stay in a relationship? What’s wrong with me?


First, it’s important that you not think of this situation as indicative of “something is wrong with you”. Readiness for relationship is not a mental process. It is the unconscious that orchestrates our lives, so we are better off, to begin with, by accepting our circumstances as reports of the psyche’s intention. This acceptance can then lead us to discover the reason for that intention. For instance – perhaps your (deep-seeded and yet-to-be-faced) fear of relationship (commitment, entrapment, challenge) is greater than your desire. Or maybe there is something in you telling you partnership will land you in your parent’s relationship and that would be awful. Or, perhaps something in you anticipates a heartbreak that you feel unable to withstand.

Finding out how not having relationship is protecting you will be a good start. Then you can confront those inner ideas, recognize how perhaps they are no longer viable or useful, and prepare yourself for real love.

Of course, as usual, loving yourself and your life JUST AS IT IS RIGHT NOW is always a good way to start.

Faithfully,

Dr. Nicki


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To get YOUR questions answered please submit to: drnicki@stucknomore.com

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