From the Brain of Dr. Nicki: The Power of Powerlessness: Part II

           

                        Illusion Lost – It’s a “good” thing…

You’ve heard me vote for letting go of the illusion of control. Yep. Clinging to it only holds us in bondage to the mind. But, illusory or not, giving up apparently “real” control even of the “little” things (as in, who likes/approves of us, precisely when that promotion is going to come through, and/or whether or not our partner is well-perceived by others), sets up the potential of facing the most disturbing truth of all – that our lack of power over Life, also announces our lack of power over Death. Talk about a confronting idea! Most people would rather not think or speak of this truth at all, let alone profoundly entertain it. Note our excessive societal attachment to and deification of youth – one of the more obvious rejections of Death’s inevitability.

                                                How and Why?                    

The relief, however, in looking this particular powerlessness dragon in the eye is palpable. It’s as in that dream where we’re being chased and we finally turn to look directly at our pursuer…inevitably the assailant shrinks and we are relieved of the fear.

Now, to get to this important appreciation, we must first surrender the precepts, constructs and concepts that have for so long buoyed us up. Of course it helps to know precisely what those long-held ideas are. Making a list of the kinds of things and situations that make us feel inadequate is a good place to start. Then recognizing what we do to brace against those inadequacy feelings is the next step.

                                                The Anger Response

Certainly it is not surprising that, most often, powerlessness makes us angry. This anger, however, we tend to interpret as being generated by particular circumstances and/or by other specific people. In fact, this is hardly ever true. Others/situations may be the inspiration, but they are rarely the “problem”. Instead, our reactions are basically a reflection of an (primarily unexplored) anger we have towards ourselves. And the bigger these reactions are, the further back the unmet material likely goes.

Thus, when we feel inadequate (to control, fix, achieve, effect, manage) and are not able to withstand these inadequacy feelings we shake them off and onto others, like a dog shaking off excess hose water. This gives us a false, momentary adrenaline rush of power.  It doesn’t last long though – so we tend to go to that angry pump up more and more often, the way an addict turns to increasing amounts of drugs.

                                                Any Port In A Storm

To make matters worse, the more inadequate we feel, the more we cling to any scrawny version of power – like a drowning man clings to the side of a slowly leaking raft in a lonely, dark sea. We will rage, criticize, insist, become intractable and unteachable, take to our beds with overwhelm, etcetera.  But like everything else that is of the Ego – inadequacy is an illusion too. Yes, some things we can do and some things we cannot do. Oh well. The problem is not that we are unable to affect a particular outcome, the problem is that we decide this inability reflects a basic lack of true value. It does not.

                                                Better Yet - The Good News

The fact that truly facing our inevitable sense of powerlessness has the potential of opening us to new possibility and to the kind of awakened viewpoint that leads to a revitalized Life is thrilling. The fact that this confrontation is most likely - as with all difficult traverses - to include the kind of essential Ego wounding that brings us to our knees is terrifying. The more generously and non-prejudicially we can appreciate the whole truth both about ourselves and about our place in the world – the dark and the light of us, the abilities and the incompetence’s – the more Compassionately and Non-Judgmentally we can make our way through this extraordinary exploration called Life. Power. Powerlessness. Ah. In an exhausted, exhausting world where mind has ruled like a cruel despot, surrender is, in truth, wondrous relief.

So as always – make plans, set intentions, step towards possibilities and do it all with a faithful heart, but don’t imagine you’re in charge of what happens after that. You’re not.

And that’s a good thing, because all the best parts of life happen in the surprising moments. Our anthem wants to be: open mind, open heart! And, I repeat, watch what happens!