From the Brain of Dr. Nicki: Getting Older

It’s not very popular. This getting older business.  At least after the age of 21 or so. Up ‘til then we count the ½ birthdays as if we’re marking progress. Getting older means getting on with it. Exciting. After that we begin counting our accomplishments more like chips won at poker. It doesn’t take long to slide into dread.

In modern times everything’s accelerated, even discontent. First quarter crisis they call it. Kids under twenty-five panicking because life feels over.

Later it gets worse. After forty seems a milestone. Half over, most think and what have I got to show for it! On the verge of being thrown away, others bemoan.  They see my lines. The ones from smiling and the others too. We think this is mostly women, but men now join the fray. Hurry up. Get rich. Get fit. Get successful. Get proof of love. Get going. Get it.  

After fifty panic sets in. Now what! Who loves me and how much? We talk about the money, power & prestige, but really it all translates as love. Meanwhile the bigger questions tug at us in a secret place we hardly recognize: have I come to know anything of life…anything really at all?

Most stop counting the years then – stop reporting an exact age. Who needs to know! Botox, perfect hair, smart outfits, eat-right-fitness program hides the truth anyway. What they don’t see won’t hurt me.

We live in a world that rejects maturity. But why do we see aging as a degradation rather than increase of resource?  We’ve lost sight of the value of perspective, for above all, this is what age offers. The long view. The clarity that can come when seen through the eye of time. “This too shall pass” comes from witnessing over and again that it does pass – the pain, the consternation, the fear, the doubt, and the ideas of a single moment’s importance – all of them pass, making way, if we let them, for an exhilarated appreciation of life itself.

What’s the solution?

Nothing less than a shifted perspective will do. Seeing the value in maturity. Embracing the beauty of a layered life. Greeting the years with less panic and greed. It’s a big ask. It requires trust in the organicity of things. Faith in the rightness of tides and waves. Love of that which lasts beyond an instant.

We are challenged now to linger in our lives – to settle into a moment with appreciative breath. But this lingering is, in truth, how a small life becomes a grand experience. And as it turns out, there’s no substitution for the long road when it comes to authentic fulfillment.

So give yourself the gift of a breath-by-breath day. Challenge yourself to refuse your usual drive-by experiences, and linger. Again, linger. Yes, you shall be aging today. But what if instead of denying, ignoring, or disdaining that truth you let yourself smile. Because appreciating today’s aging means acknowledging tomorrow’s promise.