From the Brain of Dr. Nicki: Where Has All the Pride Gone?

June 2016. The world continues to crumble under our feet.

Orlando, Florida: “Forty-nine people were killed and 53 more were wounded when a gunman launched an assault on a gay nightclub in Orlando early Sunday.

The shooter, killed in a shootout with police after a three-hour siege, was Omar Mateen, 29, of Fort Pierce, Florida.

• Mateen called 911 before the attack, expressing fealty to ISIS. He had been probed by the FBI twice, but the investigations were closed. He legally bought the two guns used in the attack within the past week.
• President Obama said there was no clear evidence Mateen was part of a larger plot.
• The names of some of the victims killed in the shooting have been released, and include club-goers between the ages of 20 and 50 years old.
• Forty-three of the 53 people injured in the shooting remained hospitalized Monday, with five in grave condition.”

We’ve lost it. Truly. Every awful event we can imagine now casually cruises down our home streets over and again. Indeed, when it comes to our humanity, as a world we’re slowly but surely sinking into the deep end of the ocean.

The dictionary tells us:

Pride is an inwardly directed emotion that carries two antithetical meanings. With a negative connotation pride refers to a foolishly and irrationally corrupt sense of one's personal value, status or accomplishments, used synonymously with hubris. With a positive connotation, pride refers to a humble and content sense of attachment toward one's own or another's choices and actions, or toward a whole group of people, and is a product of praise, independent self-reflection, and a fulfilled feeling of belonging.

Perhaps in the case of hate crimes and terrorism (hate crimes on steroids), there’s a merging of the two meanings: a foolish, irrational, corrupt sense of personal value used to exhibit a feeling of belonging. I belong to a belief system that allows me to take whatever actions I deem necessary to make my point, no matter who I need to hurt to do it! Violence is the way I scream – the way I can get my important voice heard.

So what are we to do about it all? Ban weapons? Is that truly an answer? Not really. Get ever more vigilant when it comes to rooting out the crazies?  Will that work? I don’t think so. There will always be wills and ways and hatreds that, when combined with tortured self-esteem and unbearable disenfranchisement, will result in the molten lava spills we see today.

Now, I’m not suggesting we should ignore gun law reform necessities, or the need to revamp mental health approaches, but I am suggesting there’s more to this, as always, than meets the superficial eye. The world is in a flight or fight state. Folks are screaming in a million ways, battling both each other and life itself --- or they’re running like hell, hiding out (in their phones, tv’s, work, drugs etc.) And by now, the world-wide toxic stress levels are creating disasters everywhere we turn. It’s Sodom & Gomorrah without the fun.

The answer? Buyer beware: I’m about to bore you again with psychological insight for I’m going to suggest the solution is groom your own garden! Is it a quick fix? Certainly not. But really, nothing is.

Yes the idea is to look at the violence, hatred, hubris, pride or lack there of, generosity, acceptance, judgment, selfishness and ignorance lurking inside you. It’s there. All of it. I promise.

Indeed, if you want to change the world, start with changing yourself. Or, if unconsciousness and denial remain your alternatives, buckle up – ‘cause for sure it’s going to get worse before (and if) it gets better.