From the Brain of Dr. Nicki: Gender Chaos

New York has just declared that there are thirty-one genders. 31. Genders.

I'm aghast. I’m beside myself. Wait...does that mean I just created #32?

This is ridiculous. Hear me roar. There. Are. Only. Two. Genders. No matter how those two genders get adorned, transformed, blended, exhibited, referenced, described, or appreciated, there still are only two.

Okay, stop right away being mad at me. Imagining I simply don't understand. Blocking me from all your social media outlets. Canceling your sessions with me. Take a breath. Listen to my point.

"In New York City, it's illegal to discriminate on the basis of gender identity and gender expression in the workplace, in public spaces, and in housing." Well, yes, of course. As it should be. Discrimination is disgusting. Except, of course, when you become discriminating enough to be able to distinguish toxic relationships from healthy ones. Or sincere love from suffocating love. Or when you can tell the difference between collusive agreement and true support.

Naturally, the idea that we need laws to promote universal acceptance and basic human kindness is mind blowing. However, distorting basic truth to trumpet even the most important concepts diminishes us and, I'll venture to say, dilutes the real message. 

We are, however, increasingly attached to labels. Trying to find safety in them, I suppose. Trying to make sure our plight is heard and seen and remembered. Trying to find our 'tribe' through accord. Sure. Understandable. But compartmentalization’s are counter-productive. They only increase our sense of separation, which is part of the fundamental problem to begin with.

What would happen, do you imagine, if instead of shouting you-are-this and I-am-that, each of us insists on having a day of connectedness. Just one day. One true day of being in the “we” of it all.

I confess that all my life I’ve been seeking my own real connection with humanity. It’s not always been easy. I’ve been viciously cruel to myself, have invited horrifying cruelty from others, and have been riddled with the kind of fierce judgment only profound fear can breed. Finally, I found that humanity – hiding behind my layers of masks and defense. Love feels real to me now. Life feels like an invitation. Maybe that’s why when I look around at the world as it is and as it’s becoming I get a little frightened. We seem to be disappearing down the rabbit-hole. Ever-more often neglecting each other in any real way under the guise of either self-promotion or personal rights.  

Let me be clear: I don’t care what you call yourself, how you dress yourself, where you go to the bathroom, what you do or don’t eat, if we agree politically or do not, if we agree socially or do not, if we agree spiritually or not, if your body is fit or frail, who you choose to love or how you choose to love them. I simply want us to walk together trying with all we are and have and can to create a more tolerant, more appreciative world.

Today, then, I shall celebrate our two genders and applaud the different way those two genders can blend, dance, invent, exhilarate, applaud and adore each other. The label is human. The aim is to love our humanity….whatever its shape, color, form, status or appearance.