From the Brain of Dr. Nicki: Contribution…Just a Second Hand Emotion?

With my recent fund-raising campaign, I’ve had the word contribution scrambling my brain. I was dragged into the campaign, really. Didn’t want to do it. Don’t want to ask for help in that way. Was embarrassed at first. Was worried no one would step up. After all, one of my lifelong, bemoaned and bragged about themes is: I have to do everything myself! Then, as usual, I plunged in like a voracious wolf. Quickly (thankfully) it became not about the money, so I stopped counting pennies and started getting the point. At first, the deeper levels riled me up even further, but then somewhere along the way I simmered down inside.

Now, Ms. Turner says: “It's physical; Only logical; You must try to ignore; That it means more than that.” ‘She’s talking about love and sex though!’ you shout! Yes, well maybe and just maybe that’s what we mean also about the sexy, loving expression called contribution. Maybe that’s what we mean about everything.

So is contribution merely ‘physical’, only logical? Naw. It’s an expression of love. Just like sex. Whether we like it or not. Whether we pretend it’s just something we must do, or should do, or is popular to do, or makes us more valued, or more interesting or whatever we’ve convinced ourselves with our more superficial minds. It always means more than “that”.

Not that I haven’t been teaching this topic for years! Well, we teach what we need to learn – that’s the rule.

So what have I learned? That the energy behind contribution is the important part. If I make tea and toast for my husband every morning (even when it’s inconvenient) I’m doing more than feeding him – I’m telling him he’s important to me. If he makes sure I have avocados even though I’ve not asked for them, it’s not simply about my “needing” avocados -- it tells me I’m remembered. These are physical, logical actions that mean more than meets the eye. These are acts of loving service.

Writing and promoting the play has thrown me into surprise after surprise. And we’ve just begun production! Oh my. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - one of the main points of this project is to push my edges -- to reach new interior dimensions by doing the one thing guaranteed to make that happen: get wildly uncomfortable by vulnerably, vivaciously, insistently exposing my soft under-belly.

How about you? When’s the last time you did something that made your heart tremble, stretched your beliefs and scare-sweated the certainty right out of you? What are you waiting for? Stop ignoring that each choice you make, each plunge you take means more than that! Come on in – the water’s fiiiinnneee.