Ask Dr. Nicki: Cancer Survivor

Once a week I present this feature called, "Ask Dr. Nicki" featuring a question that either a) I generate myself from commonly asked questions, or b) a question that somebody submits to me. I really hope that each and every one of you gets something from my advice!

Dear Dr. Nicki,

I am a cancer survivor. Luckily, when I was first diagnosed four years ago, they caught it at the stage 2 level and after treatments, the cancer went into remission. But then, last year, it came back. And once again, luckily, it was caught right away and I have now been in remission for six months. The doctors keep reassuring me that I should still be able to lead a long and healthy life. But it just keeps looming in the back of my mind. And I have heard how your mind is very strong and I don't want those underlying thoughts about the cancer coming back to actually cause the cancer to come back. How can I make these thoughts go away??


Dr. Nicki says:

Dear Survivor-

What a roller-coaster journey you've been on these last years! I'll bet the whole experience has built in you a stamina that surprises even you. These kinds of life-threatening events call upon our most profound resolve.

The medical treatments are one thing - but the emotional/psychological aftershocks can be quite another. There's a number of ways to fight back against persistent undermining thoughts. I'll enumerate two briefly. 1. Thought Stop: In this process you're asked to punch out at the unwanted thought by actually saying STOP! You then turn your thoughts in another direction. It's like going down a street, coming to a stop light and taking a turn. The new thinking can be in direct opposition as in "In this moment I am healthy. All is well" or a completely different veering as in "I'm so excited about the project I'm doing. Next steps are....". This process needs to be done over and over as negative thinking is a powerful little dickens.

Another more sustaining fight back method is 2. Meditation. Why? Because meditation teaches you how to be in presence. And not-presence is inevitably the very crux of our anxiety matter. I recommend finding a version of Meditation that feels "doable" for you. Basically it's a process of focus so find something that strikes your fancy. Meditation can be moving or sitting still or dancing or washing dishes. If you want to know more about this write me back and I'll go into more detail!

At some point it would be super brave (and helpful) to look the dragon in the eye. Most prefer to skip this part. It means considering more deeply what precisely is the fear haunting you. Is it dying, or being sick, or leaving loved ones, or not doing all the things you have planned, etc? As always, I'm a fan of writing. Now, this kind of delving is most often best done in the company of a guide. Finding someone to sit with you through this discovery process is helpful. Besides, you deserve it. Having cancer -- twice -- can be a lonely experience even though many others go through it. Though I hope you surrounded yourself with supportive, cheer-leading fans, there's still something about being the body in which illness occurs that brings us into an awareness of our separateness as human beings. Reach out.

Thank you for this question. With compassion,

Dr. Nicki

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