From the Brain of Dr. Nicki: Belonging... Now Is the Time!

From our beginnings we have been a nation of either self proclaimed or other defined outcasts. Outcasts coming together to create a new community of belonging. We are a Mosaic of people defined primarily by our allegiance to difference and the beauty of that. About such we have been proud. Stunningly proud. Of course, as in any family, there has been dissention, disgruntlement and even bigotry. Cousin Frank chose a woman we can’t stand – what was he thinking? Aunt Susan values animals over people. Ugh. Brother Jake never carries his own weight.Often we vie, as animals invariably do, for dominance, for validation or for reflection of our so-called superior minds, bodies or capacities. Yes, needing to be "right" as well as numerous fears all-too-often propel us into confronts and disgruntlements. We think we’re fighting for our rightful place in the world but mostly we’ve lost track of what that means – of what we mean – of meaning altogether.

In light of these truths, where do we, as a people, find ourselves now? We are currently, in the most egregious way, polarized beyond recognition - state against state, friend against friend, household against household, family member against family member. The good news is there's more societal involvement than ever before. Many who now see silence hasn't paid off and standing on the sidelines takes a toll, are speaking out. The bad news is the level of acrimony appears at an all time high.

I've been attempting to hold an open heart, but I become ever more alarmed by the vicious vitriol surrounding us now. It's on both sides, as usual, but expressed relentlessly and with complete lack of restraint! It's everywhere. Only a few seem willing to speak respectfully to others when presenting their viewpoint. When, for instance on Face Book, I attempt to suggest entering into dialogue rather than diatribe I'm mostly met with: "Well, truth is truth and I've got it!" Disappointing. I guess T.S. Eliot was wrong...the world shall not end with a whimper but indeed a bang.

I'm worried. It's quite unusual for me to be so. I know tides ebb and flow. I know change takes not decades but centuries. I know pattern will out. I know we humans are resilient and ferocious when it comes to survival, but each day trying to convince even my limited community that creating more and more divisive, insensitive vitriol is not the way to effect change, becomes ever more challenging. Unfortunately the pointing finger process is alive and well. If he can be disgusting why shouldn’t I? If she can use hyperbolic invectives to land her blow, why can’t I? Why? Because always, always, always we want to strive to stay in contact with the best parts of ourselves. Because true, confidence-based change does not take furious blustering or stunning demeaning of others. True, confidence-based change takes well-considered action.

So – if you are struggling to find your footing in this collapsing collective, first look inside. Discover what is truly important to you and find a collaborative, generous, sincere action to take that serves the community good. Don’t outcast yourself. Step into your belonging. Now is the time. NOW. IS. THE. TIME.