From the Brain of Dr. Nicki: IT'S NOT FAIR!!

Wherever did we get the idea that things are supposed to be "fair". What does that even mean?! Does it mean living in an impartial world free of bias? Good luck. Does it mean total equality in every single way: beauty; smarts; money; status; traumatic experiences; love? Impossible. And boring really. 

One version of the definition holds fair to mean 'light' as in, fair-skinned. So does the idea of fair intend to avoid the dark, uncomfortable parts of life!?! Indeed. Many imagine dodging & ducking life's inevitable experiential storms and the attendant so-called 'bad' feelings. Chemicals help, they insist. Keep on the move, they recommend. Distract, escape, reject, they croon. Anything to sidestep difficulty. Not me. I know for sure the greatest growth, discovery and eventual joy happens out of the murky, sticky, velvet moments -- the uncontrolled, uncontrollable times of deep dumpster-diving. 

Basically when we whine about fairness its to plead our case. Never works. Never will.  Because mainly our aim is to get control of outcome. Foolish. We simply don't control outcome. Can't. Our only authority is about process --,how we suit up and show up.

Thus, all the complaining is really about things not turning out the way we want. I thought things would work out! Well guess what -- they are working out; there's no such thing as "not working out"; things always work out -- just not your way. 

Yes, I'll declare it unapologetically here and now: There never has been, never will be and never should be anything resembling fairness. Things are not equal. They're not supposed to be. Some mountains rise higher towards the heavens than others. Oceans, streams and backyard pools are not the same though they all contain water.

Put your fist down, please, ‘cause I'm not talking about community rights. Of course, in that we should be equal. But we get confused between essential inequities and societal inequalities because, as in so many instances, we simply don't think it through.

So the next time you find yourself thinking, feeling, or bemoaning about how unfair things are, stop!

Look at all the things you actually possess in your life, emotionally, physically, spiritually, intellectually. It's called counting your Blessings. Now picture giving up all those things completely, or modifying them so that - in all fairness - parts of those gifts can be divvied up amongst your peers, or even offered to those across the globe. Notice what you've lost. 

 Yes, while sitting around worrying about "where's mine", you've forgotten how much excess you already have. Now get up off your pity-pot and go contribute something to the world. We're waiting. It's only fair.

** this is a re-post of a blog that first posted on May 14, 2016