From the Brain of Dr. Nicki: Saying Goodbye…Dog’s are people too!

For years I’ve been saying all things of true significance boil down to Life and Death matters. Now, we tend to treat these two topics and experiences as opponents, but actually they are not. Rather, they are collaborators that influence, describe and illuminate each other -- the alpha and omega for all. Thus, considered together they bring us into potential realizations of Wholeness. Most importantly, both encourage conversations and reflections about how the ever-present, always-central topic of Love is the connective thread, for at best Love is in the first and last breaths we take, as well as throughout the life-journey we make.

In the wee hours of Sunday morning my husband and I had to make the decision to put our delicious dog Ming down. That’s polite chat for I decided it was the moment for her to die. Her problems came on suddenly and ferociously. After hours of middle of the night seizures she faced interminable, invasive tests and aggressive, awful treatments. I suffered in the decision. At only seven could she be saved? The doctor was uncommitted but seemed doubtful about positive outcomes. It’s something in her brain, she said. In my gut I felt the same “no” that had led me a few days earlier to intuit that something serious was going on with her. It wasn’t the listlessness or clinginess that set off major alarms it was—something in her eyes. This dog I have loved constantly, devotedly and insistently. Over and above the other two. Over and above the three cats, also now dead, though on the surface of it, more rightly after long lives. You see, Ming and I have had a special bond. I know people say that, but really. I was, for instance, the only person in the world she kissed. Many a morning she’d wrap her little Shitzu body around my head to sweetly run her tiny, soft tongue all over my face. She was relentless, refusing to stop until she kissed me awake - often far too early. Naturally I couldn’t help laughing each time. Awaking to such loving, laugh-provoking sweetness is a meditation in itself.

During the dreadful middle-of-the-night decision hours my husband reminded me that pursuing endless treatment would be doing something for us, not for her. To make ourselves feel better. And she’d suffer the consequences. We’d been there, done that, and had vowed never again.

Saying goodbye to my baby Ming was a suffering, as goodbyes where deep love has lived inevitably are. She made grunting noises as I spoke to her, which I liked to imagine meant she heard me and said go ahead, its right. Or maybe, I thought, she’s saying “Don’t! Don’t!” My heart shattered, falling pieces upon her in endless tears.

The gifts of this precious pup’s life comingled with mine are both tangible and ineffable, but if I have to name one primary thing I’d point, of course, to Unconditional Love. This is the love that has no agenda and no limits. It is the kind of love that sparkles through us no matter how bleak certain moments in our days and lives might seem. It carries with it a purity and innocence that overrides personality glitches, hard-hearted experiences and ungenerous assaults. Unconditional Love is not a thinking process, it is a knowing experience. Ming, the most feminine creature you’d ever meet, everyday reminded me that Unconditional Love is ever at our fingertips. I will, to the end of my own days, miss her with every fiber of my being. Of course the initial punch will pass, but blessedly her lessons and gifts will stay with me – reminding me that love is the point. Always love. Yesterday, today and tomorrow, love. Yes, love is the true significant life and death matter that matters. Today remember Love.