1001 Unendurable Dates Indefinitely Prolonged!

Back in my desperate dating days I was going to write the most awful book of all time. I intended to call it: 

"1001 unendurable dates indefinitely prolonged"

I was, after all, the expert of excruciating. 

Indeed, I’d had the requisite number of sometimes humiliating, sometimes hysterical true-life stories to both entertain and inform, & I was determined to squeeze some damn lemonade out of dem lemons! 

Okay now I’m enthusiastically married, so perhaps you think that takes me out of the bad dates commentary equasion! Naw. ‘Cause dandy relationship didn’t happen with the snap of a finger and like most passionate tales, there were many obstacles on the way to my happy ending. 

I know how awful dating is. I remember it like yesterday. 

By the way, all my ugly dating was before apps!! Now, that was a special party where potential partners came from combing personal’s ads (no pictures…eek). That led to some—uh – fun, noteworthy meetings! 

Like the guy who described himself as tall, dark & handsome (well, he was tall…he also wore a dark wig. Does that count as dark?). This specimen was particularly excited to be with a therapist because, as he gleefully told me over our dry lunch, his psychiatrist would be thrilled (like the psych & I were gonna double-team him!). 

Or then there was the jerk who kept arguing with everything I said, & who then would pause occasionally to say 

“Isn’t this GREAT??!! Aren’t we having a terrific time?? I love controversy,” to which I’d answer each time: 

“NO – we’re not having a good time! This is terrible.” 

At the end of the too-long meal and too-long excursion back to my home, the awful fellow reached to kiss me. I pushed him away astonished, saying: 

“What are you doing??” He answered: 

“I wanted to see if we had any chemistry!” 

I nearly bellowed: “WE DON’T!” 

As I exited the car he peeled away obviously furious. 

Then there was the guy I drove quite a distance to meet & when he saw me in the parking lot he simply (sloowwlly) passed by me, never stopping. 

Not good looking enough for him I guess. 

Ouch. 

Humiliating.

That’s just the appetizer. My hunt was continuous & thorough. I approached dating like I approach everything – with insistent fervor. I kept my eyes peeled everywhere for “him”. I imagined “the one” was around every corner. 

Would I find him hovering over the fruits choosing wisely as he pinched and smelled his potential buys? 

Would we share a grin about the long lines? 

I scanned passing cars for “him”. We’d smile, I imagined, and take the next off-ramp. “But can I tell if he’s witty by the way he holds the wheel?” I’d worry. 

Unlikely. 

Maybe he’d be the fabulous stranger who’d show up to the next  dreadful dating event I’d dragged my hopeful heart to.  

Meanwhile, like all daters, I swung between hopeful and defeated/deflated.

Finally, I came to the end of what I like to think of as my dating rant. It came not because indefatigable me got worn down - but because all while furiously dating I was simultaneously working like hell to figure out the crux of my matter.  Fiiinally I got it:

The problem was me. 

Next stop: 

Real self-esteem - or at least the beginnings of such. 

I worked, worked, worked on that self-love piece. Then it happened. I began a pretty nice year long relationship with a guy I met through the personals (‘cause when in doubt, try, try again) . 

Sure he had a lot of complaints about me (I was too fancy & dressed up too much, for example). 

Sure, he compared me to his ‘simple, no-make-up ex-wife a lot. 

Sure he was a little too close with his mother. 

But he was cute & smart & kinda funny. So in I plunged.  

Then, one day, all the complaining hit a peek.

Truth is, THAT was also a happy ending. Because I cared enough about myself at that point to put my foot down. 

To stand up for myself. To say: 

NO MORE SHAMING. 

I whipped the pathetic dribble off my chin, stopped the desperate seeking outside myself for the “man” who would fix me, and started appreciating the life I was already living. It wasn’t long after that my beloved husband came along. I was ready.  

Finding Love is actually pretty simple.

I know because I’ve done it and created my own happy ending.

I know because I’ve walked thousands of singles from lonely to loved.

We’ve done it. 

You can too.