Ask Dr Nicki: Frustrated with Coworkers

Once a week I present this feature called, "Ask Dr. Nicki" featuring a question that either a) I generate myself from commonly asked questions, or b) a question that somebody submits to me. I really hope that each and every one of you gets something from my advice!


Dear Dr Nicki,

I like the type of work I do, and the company I work for, but some of my coworkers really drive me crazy. They always look for a flaw in any of my suggestions, and never just let something move forward smoothly!

It’s an endless battle, and I’ve ended up blowing up several times cuz I just get so frustrated.

I know it’s unprofessional to raise my voice, but they just make me so angry. I don’t want to leave my job, but I can’t seem to function with these people anymore! What would you do? Thanks.

Dr Nicki Says:

Dear Angry One-

Anger is a defense:

It stands on the shoulders of powerlessness. When we're not getting what we want, are feeling unheard, disrespected, invalidated or whatever the diminishing feeling is we try to claim "power" through anger. We get a surge of Adrenalin which gives us momentary relief.

But only momentary, because the actual source of our frustration/powerlessness feelings began long, long ago in us and those old feelings are carried into the present wherever we go, whatever we do and with every person and circumstance we encounter.

Yes, as usual, WE are the centerpiece of our re-activities.

Indeed, don't quit your job (or sever your friendships or leave your partner) because guaranteed you will simply bump up against this again and again:

They/It isn't the problem.

So instead of starting over, or continuing to fuel your discontent with complaint and finger-pointing, the work is to root out the original instigation's for your easy rise to anger.

Writing helps (about family of origin experiences);

counseling helps (find a guide to help you see yourself clearly);

self-work courses can help (to get a structured approach to self discovery).

Whatever you choose, do something!

This figuring out what happened and how its affecting you now is not quick-fix work nor is it to be taken lightly. There's not an instant-soup answer.

The answer is as always:

dig into yourself and stop blaming other people and circumstances for your over-the-top responses.

Lovingly,

Dr. Nicki


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