Betrayal of Innocence

Remember innocence? 

That state of unadulterated bliss, where all things seem possible. 

I have a friend who talks endlessly about the beauty of innocence. Since I’ve been long suspicious of the whole idea, we’ve had many debates. 

Was there ever such a thing? 

Didn’t we already know in utero how tough things were going to get? 

After all, if innocence is about being “blissfully” unaware of life’s complexities, I simply can’t agree such a state exists. And if somehow, some way we did ever glimpse it, how long did it last? 

But my friend is a romantic in a way I never was, and I wanted to understand another perspective so eventually I started sneaking up on the innocence questions from another angle. What, I queried, if innocence is defined as a state of wide-eyed, appreciative wonderment? How about talking about it as that child-like curiosity known as Beginner’s Eyes!? Because through those eyes everything looks fresh, tasty and inviting. 

No defense needed. 

No warding off the pain blows. 

No expectation of disappointment. 

Ah yes….that kind of innocence. Sign me up.

Just when I started getting comfortable with the whole idea, boom -  enter betrayal ...that adulteration of innocence. That slap in the heart that says - oops, nothing tomorrow will feel like it did yesterday. I’m on to you world.

   

Betrayal’s crushing blow!

But, really, why is betrayal so awful? I mean, isn’t it just a wisdom change of perspective? Or so I thought. But Adam and Eve sets us straight. They teach us that betrayal announces duality, which is a realization of distinction: good/bad; mind/body; masculine/feminine; up/down; spirit/human, etc.  Duality means we’re no longer “one” with...whatever: mom/dad; home; untainted safety; God. No longer is it automatically “we” -- now it’s “you” and “me”. 

Sounds rough.

Yes, duality announces the pain of separation -- commonly known as separation anxiety. Birth is actually the beginning of that duality conversation, which means birth is our first heartbreak. Maybe that’s why we come in screaming!

Whether we’re ever really in a state of full innocence can continue to be debatable, however, the idea of innocence surely nudges us up against remembrance of a time when everything was fresh with promise and dewy with possibility. 

New love offers that. 

The smell of a baby offers that. 

A puppies excitement offers that. 

Anything enthusiastically vibrating life-force inspires remembrance of who and how we innocently were before the clouds rolled in.

   

Damn those betrayers!

Hold the phone. We can talk all day about betrayal’s usual suspects, but inevitably the version wanting most to be resolved is betrayal of self. Our self-disloyalty shows up in small and big ways: 

When we say yes to something we wanted to say no to; 

when we stay in a relationship past its expiration date; 

when we mistreat our body; 

when we allow ourselves to be bullied; 

when we hide our pain instead of revealing it; 

when we override our own importance, and more. 

But whether it’s about wounds initiated by others or those self-inflicted, our work is to:

• Appreciate the great instructions heartbreak offers.

• Understand that duality is a vital part of life’s teaching.

• Reconcile the seemingly unbearable truth that while relationship introduces us to ourselves, the true work is self-reconciliation and to whatever degree possible, freedom from self-betrayal.  

That means, value the awareness duality has afforded; 

appreciate that every wound has allowed you to potentially become more compassionate than before; 

and live today with full, courageous heart as if it’s your last. 

Risk everything. 

You have nothing to lose but your separation anxiety.