Ask Dr Nicki: How do I Keep Hoping When I Feel Stuck?

From an instagram follower:

Hi Dr. Monti, 

I recently got engaged, had my first child, and turned 30. Not a bad year! However, as much as I'm happy and my life is changing...I feel stuck. 

I have no steady career to speak of and an inability to pay my bills as of late. I guess what I'm wondering is, how do I keep looking forward and keep faith in a season that feels like there’s no way out of my circumstances? 

It is difficult to want to even try to fix things and make the calls and appointments I should make when I feel Incant overcome the current situation. Thank you so much for your advice!

Dr Nicki says:

Dear Whirlwind!

Thanks so much for your question! Naturally, I'm wondering about the circumstances of your partnership. You speak very much like a person who believes herself to be unable to count on coupleship for support. There's a sense of an "I" without a "we" in your question. 


Between that and your report of apparent "entrapment" I'm wondering what work you've done to look at underlying feelings that might be paralyzing you.

On the other hand, you've just had a child, so maybe you're just really tired! Hormones slow us down for a reason...so we can be there for our baby no matter how go, go, go we tend to be ordinarily. 


Either way, feels to me like being in the present is tough for you. 
I get your income issues are real, however, what kind of support have you set up for yourself? 


What about your fiance? 


Faith, remember, isn't knowing. It's a leap into the unknown. 


What if you were to decide to cut yourself a break for a couple months? 


Ask for real help during this time.  


Let your baby teach you what authentic presence is, because being-with-child is the best school for change you can possibly attend. 


And perhaps, reach out for group or individual support by a professional that can guide your journey.

Lovingly, Dr. Nicki


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