Ask Dr Nicki: Teenager Addicted to Electronics?

Once a week I present this feature called, "Ask Dr. Nicki" featuring a question that either a) I generate myself from commonly asked questions, or b) a question that somebody submits to me. I really hope that each and every one of you gets something from my advice! 

Dear Dr Nicki, 

I feel like my teenager doesn’t know how to connect with our family anymore. I know we’re in a “technology age” and I may not be able to understand it like the young generation does, but my kid is so connected to his phone, computer and video games it seems excessive to me. Plus he doesn’t want to be involved in our family conversations and activities anymore. 

A lot of my friends say it’s just “kids these days”, or “just a phase" and there’s no use trying to fight it- All the kids are connected to their electronics these days. Is this true? Should I simply give in and let him disconnect with the family and only be connected to his friends (if you can call it that when it’s mostly through tech) and devices?...or is it okay to set up some rules and boundaries? Help!

Dr Nicki Says-

Dear Confounded-

What a challenge you're raising and one being faced by parents all over the world!

Indeed, it is "kids these days", though I'd venture to say the so-called phase is now called a lifetime procedure. Look around at all the 'adults' with phones in their hands, not talking to each other at table; talking and texting while walking crosswalks; while shopping; while sitting...anywhere; while supposedly on dates or with friends; while standing in lines, etc. 

It's now commonly known that "the inside dope on Facebook is dopamine, an organic chemical released in the brain and associated with pleasurable feelings." And Facebook isn't the only place or way this happens. 

Yes, social media has become a drug. No question.

So ask yourself: 

What would you do if you knew your kid was on drugs? 

Would you say this is "just a phase" and give in? 

Would you let your child disconnect rather than fight it?

Yes, yes, boundaries and rules are important here as in every area of parenting.  Set limits. No texting etc at the dinner table. No gaming over a certain amount of time. No trolling the internet for hours on end.

And make sure you lead by example. Do you text while driving? Or interrupt your dinner to take a call or text? Be honest with yourself. 

Kids learn by example.

Disconnection is pandemic today. I believe we each need to do what we can to stem the terrible tide. We each must learn Presence. 

How about instituting a family mediation practice -- even once a week? Or a family outing where you leave all devices behind? Or a family dance experience where you're all learning a new dance?

It doesn't matter what you choose to do to increase attentiveness, good listening skills, great communication skills and presence. But do it NOW because every day  -- every minute -- you wait, affects outcome and makes turning things around more difficult.

Good luck. Let us know what happens. 

Believe me when I say, it matters to us all.

With Presence, Dr. Nicki


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