Myths & Models

“I just want to be me!” I hear it all the time.

"What does that mean?" I inevitably ask. 

Turns out, those who most often talk about “being me” are the ones who know least about who their “me” is.

 

So how do we discover the authentic “me”?

Not by spilling out everything running through our minds.  Nor by publishing a million selfies, sporting endless stunning outfits, flamboyant language, crazy behavior, or drinking with the crowd ‘til we pass out. High level jobs don’t promise to do it. 

Nor does:

Pretense

Perfect pictures;

Silence.

Studied responses.

Or, adhering to cautionary tales.

 

It’s not going to happen by continuing to focus on fixing things from the outside in. We all know that. We’ve all tried that. Change partners; change jobs; change friend groups; move cities. Funnily enough we keep having the same experiences over and again!

 

Hmmm….suspicious?

 

Good.

 

What, then, does lead us to the comfortable–in-my-own-skin, true confidence promise land?

 

Understanding where we’ve come from lets us begin to appreciate where we are. Appreciating clearly where we are sets the stage for discovering where we can go.

 

Sounds pretty good so why wouldn’t we do that? Why keep dancing to a tune we can hardly tolerate, while the most beautiful, courageous, vulnerable, “authentic” Self lurks in the shadows like a shameful secret?

 

Why?

 

Because the best parts of us got buried under the life-long training rubble: terrible parental models; awful societal templates; and stunning peer-member experiences. They all colluded to convince us that hiding was the way to go.

 

They were wrong.

Really, really wrong.

Luckily the wrong can be righted.

 

Knowing what drives your thinking & feeling, changes everything on the inside.  Taking new action, changes everything on the outside.