From The Brain of Dr. Nicki: How To Honor The Mother That Lives Inside You

Mother’s Day is nearly here again. What will you do this year…buy flowers, send an impossibly cute teddy bear, or take mom to dinner?  The stores are filled with lovely cards offering barrels of love, respect and honor to the woman who gave us life. And indeed, since this explosion into being – this birthing – is the first and most important experience we encounter – she who made it possible should be honored mightily. But where, oh where, do we find this same love, respect and honor for the individual who lives the life she gave us? In other words: How do we love, honor and respect OURSELVES? Let me count the ways.

There is great emphasis today on outward appearance, on personal production, and on worldly success.  If we look good, manage to have a partner, and have a healthy bank account we’re told to be proud.  However, there is most often little emphasis on feeling comfortable in our own skin.  Being content, joyful, satisfied with our choices and with our lives gets rudely pushed to the bottom of our “to do” list. A great point is made of feeling safe in the world outside, while almost no attention is given to feeling safe inside us. 

This is quite a mistake.

Yes, it turns out that we can, in fact, have what appears to others as a stellar life, and still experience terrible loss and discomfort in that life. Actually, the idea is to feel even better than we look…to know our true worth, and to feel safe expressing that worth. So how do we make this happen?

You will need to start with some rigorous truth telling. Ask yourself specific questions and write down your answers: #1: Where in my life do I feel dissatisfied (with my body image, relationships, career)? #2: What do I say to myself about these areas of dissatisfaction (“I’m fat”, “No one will ever love me”, “Everyone else gets a break except me”).

Now start to consider that these so-called bad feelings and thoughts are actually maintaining old (undermining) ideas you have about the way you deserve your life to evolve. In fact, they have been designed to prevent emotional and/or literal movement. For the sake of this conversation, then, let’s call these inner forces the Critical Parent Voices.

There are many profound psychological reasons why we would actually concoct self-defeating ideas or methods, and for true and lasting change to occur those reasons will want to be investigated – but for now, simply recognizing the possibility that we have actually chosen powerful, life-affecting inhibiting choices will set us on an emotional recovery road that changes everything.

So, for the time-being the solution is to identify and acknowledge how you are really, truly treating yourself, appreciate how important this treatment has thus far been to your “survival”, and determine to take the contrary action that will free you from this inner strife.

Yes, this Mother’s Day decide to treat yourself to a day of Self-Love, Self-Honor and Self-Appreciation. If mom’s the woman you think she is, nothing will make her happier. If mom is not quite who you’d hoped, nothing could be more important than stepping into a new relationship to your inner parents.

So go ahead…send your mom that mama bear or that glorious bouquet – but don’t’ forget to also give a special gift to the mother inside.