From the brain of Dr. Nicki: Saying Goodbye to John

Not long ago an extraordinary man died. I’m not citing him as extraordinary, as so often we do, because in passing he suddenly rose to that status. No. He was that all along. Bold, funny, brave, passionate, full of light, intentional, divinely flawed and brilliant in a million ways. A sun licking its way through the world.


Dead. That’s a rude word isn’t it? We like to avoid it. We turn away from it as if it has an unbearable smell, wrinkling our noses and picking self-consciously at our cuticles. Anything to dodge looking it in the eye.


But there it is. Everywhere it is. Dead. Death.


If we for a moment get plucky enough to nudge the concept we nearly immediately move to hope. Perhaps there’s something after. I’m pretty sure there is, we breathe. “I had an aunt once who had a dream…”; “Father sat at the end of my bed two weeks after he passed…” Maybe. Probably. Or…..


And how does any of it change who or how we are today? This day. This Sacred day.

It doesn’t really. Shouldn’t. It didn’t change John. His body withered, yes. But I saw him two weeks before he passed and his Spirit was buoyant.


I often say we shall die the way we live. If you live complaining that’s how you’ll die. If you live with humor and kindness, that’s how you’ll die. I’m not talking about the body. The body has its own reports. I’m talking about the Soul’s report called living. That was John all the way through -- still full of humor, passion, intention and light. And by account his final words were about love.


I don’t know if there’s something after. I believe there is. I’ve known many signs. But one way or the other I do know I need right now this day to continue yearning ever-more gracefully towards my own version of authentic, humorous, quality intentionality. Because at the time of my death I’m pretty sure I’ll have one more instruction to offer, one more enthusiasm to impart, one more “new sense” of Love to engage. And I’d like, as much as I’m able, to kiss the edge of truth.


Thus, to you I say this: Let us put our hands together this day. Let us turn away from petty focus on small matters that matter not at all. Let us live this day vivaciously as if it is the very most important day that ever was. Let us today know pure Joy. Do it for this light whose body has left us called John. Do it for yourself.